Friday, December 2, 2011

The Space in Between.

Happy planning, dreaming and anticipating
filled the nine months.
The day arrives.  A baby is born.

Life begins.
Unpredictable space-in-between.
Life ends.

Death doesn't acknowledge
nor does it respect any of our
best-laid plans and dreams.

Our 'space in between' doesn't
come with a time-line guarantee.
Though it does come
with a 'lifetime' warranty. 

The length of our life is an unknown.
I believe (now) it's not necessarily
how long our lives may be,
but how well we choose to live.

About a month into chemotherapy,
I hit the wall.  Hard.
Alone at home. 
My hair coming out in handfuls.
My tummy swirling with nausea.
Big tears rolled down my cheeks.

I phoned Dr. Kim's office.
"Pretty sure I don't want to do this anymore," I whimpered.
"I understand.  This isn't easy.  You're doing great."

"Uh huh."  Nervous laugh.
"Yup that's me, Wonder Woman.
I'm serious, no more chemo."
"We'll do whatever you want
because this is your challenge
But I think you have strength
you haven't even tapped yet.
I'm here.  Call me back if you need me."

Challenge, the noun: a call to battle. 
Dr. Kim was right.
I'd never been one to
walk away from a challenge. 
Cancer was calling me out
and I was determined
to use every weapon
in my arsenal to kick ass.
This arsenal was going
to include chemotherapy.

Of course we want to fill our 'spaces'
with joy, love, color, music -- all that good stuff.
The human spirit is strong,
but needs challenge for growth.

Not all challenges are about fighting the bad guy.
Challenge, the verb: summon to a contest of skill. 
Rebuilding my physical body, stamina and strength
became my challenge
after treatment was completed.

Bootcamp?  Me?  Nah, too scary.
Now?  Just two more weeks remain in class.
And I'm looking into enrolling
in the next bootcamp in January. 
What a way to start the New Year.

Just four years ago my challenge was to climb
the stairs in my home without shortness of breath.
Tomorrow I'll be in Seattle
running my very first 5k !

Hmmm ... my next challenge ...
Physical?  Mental?  Emotional?
Not sure yet.

How are you personalizing your space-in-between?

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